Typos and taking risks.

by Erol Fox on February 2, 2012

Macaulay_Culkin1Hey gang! Well, right there in the headlines, black and white, I typed the wrong word. In the headline yesterday, it said “say your relationship” when, of course, it should have said, “SAVE your relationship.”

Great to see there are so many people reading the articles, paying attention, and offering feedback. One of the risks of getting out there in the world is making mistakes. What a great reminder to go big, take risks, just correct and continue. Never let little mistakes slow you down. Our goal in life is to be WHOLE, no perfect.

Hope you enjoyed the video!

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This 5-minute cartoon may save your relationship. (video)

by Erol Fox on February 1, 2012

In over a decade of men & women relationship studies, one of the best teachers I’ve found is Alison Armstrong. Here’s an awesome 5-minute educational video she just released where she sums up her major distinction that helps men and women to overcome their challenges in relationship.

Men and Women are different!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MZgIiJNvPo

You can make 5-minutes to transform your understanding of relationship, one of the most important yet frustrating things of being human, OR skip it and think you “already know” everything there is to be a successful human.

Yeah! I’m challenging you today. Everyone’s got 5-minutes to be more free. It’s all about trust. I’m here for you! Go for it! Watch it with your mate and talk about it. It may be the first time you’ve every really talked to each other about being different and how great that is.

Maybe you’ll even leave a comment on the blog about what you discover from the video?

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Google CEO Eric Schmidt has a coach! Why don’t you? (video interview with Eric)

by Erol Fox on December 30, 2011

As a coach, it’s still interesting to me how many people have this strange deep, hidden, belief that there is some bonus from the Universe for doing things all by yourself. The real source of this is EGO! That’s right! Your ego wants you to be all alone and suffer instead of being truly happy and successful. It tells you stories like “it only matters if you do it by yourself”. Well that’s just B.S.! Belief Systems of a 2 year old child.

It wasn’t until the 1970s that top athletes thought of getting personal coaches. Sure, a team had a coach, but they thought that was just to push them and keep them from killing each other. But then tennis great Björn Borg showed up at a match with this “coach”. The other players were snickering at him saying, “what a loser, he needs a ‘coach’”. Well, Borg CRUSHED everyone on the court and they all ran out and hired coaches the next day. Sports haven’t been the same since. (BTW, I heard the story directly from a tennis player who got beat by Borg.)

Eric Schmidt talks about his coach.

This brings us to Eric Schmidt, the CEO of a little company called Google. Eric talks here in the interview about his coach and even shares his own earlier limiting thought about having a coach. So you see, everyone has the ego voice in their head that wants them to go it alone so they can suffer. But, the top players in the world get coaches, often several, to help them brainstorm, clarify their thoughts, see the big picture, and play bigger.

Maybe it’s time you got a coach? Or, you could just continue hanging out doing the same things over and over expecting different results? It’s 2012 twelve in just a couple days and maybe you’ll imagine making the commitment to actually achieve your New Years’ resolutions and transform your life? We’ll see…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVfeezxmYcA

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Your mind is like a puppy. It MUST have a master.

by Erol Fox on November 18, 2011

You can learn a lot from a dog and a Dog Whisperer. Years ago, I saw Oprah bring in this dog trainer, Cesar Millan, to help her with her out of control dog. You know she only works with the best!

This dog wouldn’t stop barking. It was out of control when she took it for walks. It tore up everything when she left the house. The neighbors were getting angry about the crazy dog she left behind every day.

The bottom line from Cesar was that Oprah had to stop treating the dog like a human baby and treat it like a dog. “Dogs must have masters or they will literally go insane” was his rule. They are pack animals, not humans. They must have a leader, a master.

Your mind is just like that dog. Either it is in control or YOU are. So, first you must realize: YOU are not your mind. They are separate.

What am I talking about? It’s that mind that never shuts up in your head. It’s running around in 10,000 directions, chasing every distraction like squirrels. Put a bowl of food in front of it and it won’t stop eating. It tears up relationships like a pair of shoes when you aren’t in charge.

But you think YOU are that mind. You think you are all those random thoughts collected from years of living. You think you are all those emotions caused by the random thoughts. When would NOW be a good time to decide who’s the boss and be the master of that puppy mind?

There are many simple practices for doing this. The best is to learn meditation. Meditation is mentioned in the Bible and has been around in many cultures for thousands of years. But, your puppy will do everything in it’s power to be your master. It won’t let you meditate because you think you are freer by letting the dog pull you around.

Another great tool is to have a regular disciplined schedule. Make a template for your most supportive week. The week that supports your goals. Define the areas of life you want to master and allocate time. Then use that template every week to fill in your day timer. Demand that your mind follow this schedule. You are the master, not your puppy’s desire to eat, poop, and tear up the furniture and do whatever it feel like.

Years ago I created a simple template so people can design this supportive week. Check it out on my site in the resources area.

So who’s the master, you or the dog? Most people want to be like Oprah and let the dog run around until it goes insane. They think the dog is free. But the master becomes the slave. It’s your choice. Good luck!

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Everyone desires freedom, but it’s not what you think.

by Erol Fox on November 4, 2011

Whether it’s money, love, driving fast, or playing hooky from work, even war… it’s all about freedom. All of us crave freedom deep in our soul. Look at most things people seek or do. It’s about freedom.

The truth is, we see actors and athletes that have the fame, fortune, and good looks but still they suffer or self-destruct. Look at a Bernie Madoff that couldn’t get enough money, no matter who it hurt, driving him to prison. Or a Lindsey Lohan, who seems to get worse every year. So, it’s not these external things that create freedom.

What is freedom then? Most people think freedom is doing what you want when you want to. But that isn’t freedom, as we just realized. It’s not having, doing, or being anything. The only true freedom is freedom from your ego mind. That chatty monster in your head that never shuts up. That monkey that runs your life and causes ALL of your emotions. News flash: nothing outside of you causes your emotions. It’s your monkey that does.

Either YOU can be free or your MONKEY is free. Which one is it going to be? The monkey says, “I don’t want any discipline. I don’t want rules or schedules. I don’t want goals or anything to practice. I want to be free.” It’s the same monkey your parents had to deal with when getting you to brush your teeth. It’s the same problem you see in your own kids running around crazy. But the monkey is powerful and it makes you think that YOU are it.

It’s your choice now. You can’t play ignorant. You know now. Either you let the monkey in your head be free, crazy, running around or you have some loving discipline for the monkey so it serves YOU, your true self, higher self.

This is the ancient battle played out in the news even today. The inner screaming monkey wanting to be free vs. your human self being free. Which one’s it going to be? It won’t be easy, but YOU will be free.

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Why most people don’t have “passion”.

by Erol Fox on November 2, 2011

Tony Robbins made the word passion really popular in Western culture in the 1980s. He would encourage his listeners to be passionate and continually say, “Live with passion.” As a success coach, so many people ask me about passion, say they don’t have it, or wonder how to get it.

Well the truth is, most people don’t even know what passion is. How can you know when you’ve found something if you don’t know what you are looking for?

As a Neuro-Linguist, I typically start with the meaning of words. Words are the greatest power of humans as well as our greatest pain. The misunderstanding of words is the cause of many human sufferings.

What does the word “passion” mean to you? More specifically, what do you see, hear, and feel when you think of the word “passion”? That’s what it means to you. Most people actually make pictures of “enthusiasm”. They see, hear, and feel the idea of lovers, or a person “loving” what they do.

The problem is, “passion” doesn’t mean that! The English word “passion” actually comes from the 12th century when someone coined it from the Greek work in the Bible describing the “suffering” of Christ. The word actually means “suffering” or “enduring”. Oops! Don’t believe me? Look it up!

So, can you see why so many people have trouble with passion? Most people today are obsessed with comfort. They drink it, eat it, wear it, buy it. They expect it in their relationships and in their work life. If you seek comfort you can’t have passion, by definition. If you aren’t willing to suffer for a worthy ideal, you probably will never get it.

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live.”

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Remember, this doesn’t mean you MUST suffer. It means you must be WILLING to suffer. That your ideal for others is so joyful that some personal suffering is trivial in comparison. There’s a huge difference. Clearing up the language of your mind can have massive transformational effect on your life. I know, I do this work with people almost every day.

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Core beliefs from Steve Jobs’ biography

by Erol Fox on October 26, 2011

One of the key foundations of NLP that drew me to it is “modeling.” At a young age I realized I was a bit lazy, like most humans, so I wanted to save time and find out how people did things effectively. We call that “modeling” in NLP.

I’m listening to the new Steve Jobs biography. It’s a great modeling project and I’ll share insights here as I work through the 25 hours.

History will look back on Jobs as being the man who really gave us the personal computer. As important as Henry Ford and the automobile, Carnegie and steel, or any of the great American inventors that really made America great.

In the first hour, I’ve already heard some core beliefs that are truly empowering and describe Jobs:

  1. I’m special. – Though some said his birth parents ‘”abandoned” him he, with the help of his adoptive parents, turned the story into “I’m special.” It’s all just a story.
  2. I can build anything. – He played with electronics as a kid and started out with Heathkits. They were electronics kits many of us asked our parents for. Many kids enjoyed building things instead of veg out on Facebook or Xbox. After building his first kit he built more complicated ones and formed this belief.
  3. I know the real value of things. – His father would take him to car auctions and taught him he could learn what parts were really worth and buy them much cheaper because other people didn’t know the value. he loved selling things because he knew what they were really worth.

Put these beliefs together and you can see how Jobs led his field, constantly pushed to build more amazing products, and was able to not only charge a premium for them but also negotiate great deals so the profits we high.

We just described Apple Inc. in the last decade under Jobs. They went from a laughable company in the nineties, under the leadership of a Coca Cola exec focused only on profits to the most valuable company on earth.

You can learn a lot by listening for people’s beliefs. Our beliefs create our destiny. Destiny is not written on some magic tablet in the sky. Beliefs make the difference between feeling abandoned and unloved OR feeling special with a contribution to give the world. It’s all just made up beliefs.

Post on the blog what you discover from his biography and we’ll compare notes.

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“What can I do today to make someone’s life better?” ~ Wayne Dyer (video)

by Erol Fox on August 15, 2011

Here’s a rare interview with Dr. Wayne Dyer from July 28th, 2011. He rarely gives interviews. He’s was diagnosed 2 years ago with leukemia and recently had a profound healing experience that has changed his life.

Now, here’s one of the great psychological and spiritual teacher of our age still having awakenings at 71 years of age.

In the interview, he shares that he now wakes up everyone morning asking the question, ‘What can I do to make someone’s life better?” He’s been helping millions of people for years but found an even deeper level of being and living in service. No matter how much ego we have removed, there is still more levels that can be taken out. Still more freedom to know who we really are.

Wayne Dyer interview.

Video here: http://inherentexcellence.com/blog/?p=618

What if we lived our life, each day, from this deep service? What if we dropped the competitive fear-based conditioning and realized that the only true happiness is living in service?

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Tell your boss: Zappos founder says “Happiness increases company profits!” (video)

by Erol Fox on August 3, 2011

If you work in a company, send this article to your boss! If you run a company or have employees, listen up…

Before becoming a Professional Coach at the turn of the century, I was a manager and helped launch a software startup company that’s still in business today. In getting my degree in management, I learned that our understanding of companies and management came from America winning WWII.

You see, we did this great feat, those men came home, started building companies, and working in them. But, humans in general aren’t good at change. We’ve unconsciously been managing our companies, and our employees, as if they are military personnel in a great war that ended 66 years ago.

But some companies are changing this ancient model of management! Countless research studies, like the Federal Reserve study, are showing that business is more productive when the employees have purpose and are happy. We see this proven in technology companies like Google, Facebook, & Apple.

Zappos is an example of a retail company that is also proving that happiness increases profits. Here’s a great interview with the Zappos founder about his new book where he shares his formula for success.

Of special interest to me is when they touch on the old attachment business still has to keeping employees unhappy so they work harder (the war mental blueprint). As a satirist, Colbert is a master at pointing out what’s wrong that we haven’t been able to put our finger on.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tony Hsieh
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Do you think it’s possible to drop the old war strategy of management? Post your comments on the blog.

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You must cross the finish line but you don’t have to do it alone. (video)

by Erol Fox on July 19, 2011

A great quality of a champion is that they commit to crossing the finish line, no matter what. Indeed, that’s what “commitment” means… “no matter what”.

But our ego says that we have to do life alone. It’s makes up stories that somehow we get extra points for doing things alone. Another great quality of true champions is that they can receive help and build teams. A common place this starts is the way we separated from our father which leads to stories that can keep us trapped in doing life alone. The ego usually makes up that we are weak if we let other people help us. But, that is just the ego working to make us weak.

Check out this video of one of the greatest moments in Olympic history with Derek Redmond.

http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=2123

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